From the 2006 Reunion List:
Some Rants, Poetry and Prose of Hardy Breier
Part 2
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From: "HARDY BREIER" <HARDY3@...>
Date: Mon Feb 27, 2006 7:25 am
Subject: schimpfen
HARDY3@...
SCHIMPFEN.
ALS ICH NOCH KLEIN UND IN CZERNOWITZ WOHNTE , WAR MEIN
SPIELPLATZ DIE RUSSISCHEGASSE
ZWISCHEN DER ARMENERGASSE UND DER MORARIOGASSE.
DAS WAR DER"LOWER EAST SIDE " VON CZERNOWITZ.
DA HATTEN WIR AUCH DEN ERSTEN KONTAKT MIT DEN
UKRAINISCHEN MITBUERGER UNSEREN ALTERS.
DIESE KLEINE ANTISEMITEN SCHOLTEN UNS UNAUFHOERLICH.
DAS MEISTBENUTZTE SCHLAGWORT, GUELTIG FUER ALLE
LAGEN UND UMSTAENDEN WAR: "KURVA MAMA TVOYA BILA"
IN DEM ANGEDEUTET WURDE DEINER MUTTERS FRIVOLE
VERGANGENHEIT ( ODER IN SCHLICHTEN DEUTSCH:" DEINE MAMA WAR
EINE HURE".) KEINE ZWEIFELHAFTE ANDEUTUNG SONDERN EINE
FESTSTELLUNG.
GEGEN SOLCHEN FRONTALANGRIFF GAB ES NUR EINEN GUT
PROBATEN GEGENMITTEL: DER BESCHIMPFTE MUSSTE SOFORT
DIE FOLGENDE TIRADE DEKLAMIERN:
" TVOYA NAHRIB ZEHN METER IN GRIB(GRAB) MIT ELEKTRISCHEN
BETRIEB"
DIESER SPRUCH MUSSTE ABER, UM WIRKUNGSVOLL ZU SEIN,
BINNEN ZEHN SEKUNDEN NACH FLUCH GEAUSSERT WERDEN.
DANN VERLOR ER SEINE WIRKUNG.
WAS ER BEDEUTETE WAR UNS SELBER NICHT KLAR , EINE MISCHUNG
VON DEUTSCH, YIDDISCH UND RUTHENISCH.
SO AMUESIERTEN WIR UNS TAGELANG AUF DER ECKE
RUSSISCHEGASSE UND MORARIOGASSE.
YESSIR,
HARDY
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SIRET RAFTING.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO EXPERIENCE A ONE TIME
ADVENTURE ON YOUR HOME TRIPI HAVE THE FOLLOWING OFFER:
CANCEL YOUR BUS AND FLIGHT TICKETS , JOIN THE " RAFTING SIXERS".
SCHEDULE:
DAY 1 : CZERNOWITZ - STOROJINETZ BY OX CART,
CAMPING ON THE
SIRET BANKS . GIPSY LUAHU CAMPFIRE AND DANCES.
DAY 2 - 18: JOIN THE HUTZUL LOGGERS ON THE LOG RAFTS FLOATING
DOWN THE SIRET . GIPSY BANDS , FULL BOARD RUMANIAN
GRILLED MEAT AND TZUICA FREE ON BORD.
DAY 19 : IN GALATZ - TRANSBORDING TO OLD GREEK CARGO
STEAMER
DOING TRAMP CARGO- CALLING ALL MEDITERRANEAN SECOND
CLASS PORTS FOR AVAILABLE CARGOES.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO KEPHALONIA ? HAVE YOU EVER PASSED
STROMBOLI BY NIGHT? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN TROGIR FROM
THE SEA ?
ANYONE CAN TERMINATE THE CRUISE AND FLY HOME
FROM
NAPOLI , MARSEILLES OR BARCELONA. ANYONE WISHING TO
JOIN OR ASK QUESTIONS PLEASE CONTACT HARDY AT THE
OFFICE..
" HELLO, HERE RAFTING SIXERS, YES SIR CAN I HELP YOU ?
LISTEN SIR , YOU MUST NOT BE RUDE , I DID NOT CALL
YOU NAMES , I UNDERSTAND YOU DON'T WANT TO JOIN-
NO, I DID NOT ESCAPE FROM AN INSTITUTION..
HAVE A NICE DAY...
"HELLO , RAFTING SIXERS, YES SIR, CAN I HELP YOU ?
IF WE CAN PERFORM C.T. SCANS ON BOARD THE RAFT ?
WHY DO YOU ASK, SIR ? YOU NEED A C.T. SCAN URGENTLY?
TRY MT. SINAI ,SIR HOW ? YOU ARE FROM L.A.
TRY CEDARS BEVERLY ! THEY DO WONDERS ..
NO, WE DON,T HAVE A CT SCANNER ON BOARD-
NO I DON'T SHOUT! THAT' S HOW I TALK. C.T. SCANNERS !..
HAVE A NICE DAY"
HELLO, RAFTING SIXERS, IF WE HAVE FIRST CLASS ?
NO , ONLY ONE CLASS , YOU SIT ON THE RAFT AND PUSH
WITH A POLE . YOU DON'T PUSH WITH POLE ?
SIR YOU DON'T PUSH- THE RAFT WILL NOT MOVE
AND WE GET NOWHERE, IF I SPEAK RUMANIAN ?
WHY YOU ASK ? YOU WANT TO TELL ME SOMETHING
IN RUMANIAN SO THAT OTHERS WON'T UNDERSTAND..
HARDY
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From: "HARDY BREIER" <HARDY3@...>
Date: Mon Mar 20, 2006 8:23 pm
Subject: GEMEINHEITEN.doc
HARDY3@...
GEMEINHEITEN.
A simple translation of the German word Gemeinheit is meanness.
The way my mother used it , gave a new meaning to the term, sometimes
leaving
me wondering.
For instance :
If the neighbor's dog barked at midnight - this was a Gemeinheit.
When Saddam Hussein launched missiles at Tel Aviv -
this too was a Gemeinheit.
When the Seniors Pension was chopped by 4 % - this was a Gemeinheit.
When the Arabs attacked us on Yom Kippur - this also was a Gemeinheit .
( A
big Gemeinheit I would add.)
No difference in the gravity of the infraction, all were branded as
Gemeinheiten.
"Mother , they have raised the price of gas by 5%".
" Das ist eine Gemeinheit"
" The UN voted that Zionism equals Racism "
" Das ist eine grosse Gemeinheit ".
To this I would add not only a" grosse Gemeinheit " but a
" Oberverschlaussigebrosinanzervertulgige Gemeinheit " !
Jawoll mein Herr.
hardy
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From: "HARDY BREIER" <HARDY3@...>
Date: Thu Mar 23, 2006 5:18 am
Subject: IPA.doc
HARDY3@...
I.P.A. (IDISCHE PLIOTKE AGENTUR)
JEWISH GOSSIP AGENCY
WE HAD NO REUTERS OR ASSOCIATED PRESS, NO TV OR RADIO NO
NEWSPAPERS, MOBILE PHONES AND NO E-MAIL .
WE HAD SOMETHING BETTER , MORE EFFECTIVE IN COVERAGE, OUR OWN
NEWS AGENCY: THE I. P. A .
THE YEAR WAS 1943 AND THE GERMANS WERE RETREATING.
THE GERMANS NEVER USED THE WORD" RETREAT" (UNPATRIOTIC) , THEY
WERE"SHORTENING" THE FRONT LINES..ANYHOW THE FRONT LINES
WERE COMING CLOSER AND THE GERMAN ARMIES WERE PASSING TOWN.
ACROSS THE STREET THEY PUT UP A " SAMMELPUNKT GESPRENGTER
TRUPPEN" TO TRY AND REGROUP REMAINDERS OF ARMY UNITS.
THIS WAS I.P.A. TIME AT ITS BEST.
YANKEL OF THE FIRST FLOOR WAS SITTING IN THE YARD AND HIS
AUDIENCE WAS GATHERING AROUND:MORE
" HAVE YOU HEARD THE LATEST ? " "NO YANKEL, TELL US, TELL
US ".
" THEY ARE GOING TO BLOW UP ALL THE SEMMEL HOUSES !"
SEMMEL ( OR SOMETHING SIMILAR) WAS AN AUSTRIAN ARCHITECT
WHO BUILT MOST OF THE HOUSES WE LIVED IN. TIME BACK.
" WHERE HAVE YOU HEARD THIS ?"
" THE SON-IN-LAW OF MY NEIGHBOUR WHO WORKS IN THE ZHUCKA
SUGAR FACTORY HASOVERHEARD THE NIGHTSHIFT FOREMAN WHO HAS
RENTED A ROOM TO A STUDENT WHOSE FRIENDWORKS IN THE
KOMANDATURA..".
" WAS DU NICHT SAGST!" IT DIDN'T TAKE MORE THAN 10 MINUTES FOR
THE NEWS TO SPREAD.
IN TOWN HALL , MAYOR CREANGA WAS FUMING: " WHY AM I THE LAST
PERSON IN TOWN TO FIND OUT , STEFAN, GET ME HELMUT ROTH FROM
THE KOMANDATURA RIGHT AWAY."
"HALO HELMUT , HOW ARE YOU THIS MORNING ? HOW IS LOTTE ? GIVE HER
MY BEST. HELMUT , WHAT ABOUT THE SEMMEL HOUSES ?
YOU DON'T KNOW ? COME ON ,I KNOW THAT THIS IS CONFIDENTIAL BUT
YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN ME A WINK , YOU NAUGHTY BOY ."
IN THE KOMANDATURA,HAUPTMANN HELMUT ROTH WAS WONDERING
HOW MAYOR CREANGA GOT THE NEWS BEFORE THE ORDER WAS PASSED
FROM H.Q.
NOBODY TOLD HIM OF AN INTENTION OF BLOWING UP HOUSES.
THEY WERE ALSO SHORT ON DYNAMITE . THEY SHOULD HAVE CONSULTED
HIM
FIRST...THEN A LIGHT CAME UP: " CREANGA MUST HAVE SOMEBODY IN
BERLIN TRANSPIRING ", THIS HAS TO BE STOPPED: " TRUDL , GIVE ME
GESTAPO , BERLIN , ON THE DOUBLE ."
BY 6 O'CLOCK IN THE EVENING PEOPLE STARTED MOVING OUT
OF THE SEMMEL HOUSES.
HARDY
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From: "HARDY BREIER" <HARDY3@...>
Date: Fri Mar 17, 2006 5:14 am
Subject: OPERATION REUNION 3.doc
HARDY3@...
OPERATION : REUNION , SOUTH.
Joe Pasternak was gunnery sergeant with the "Prut Forders"
and was nearing the Siret crossing.
"Gunny Joe "as his pals called him came from L.A. North Hollywood.
His father had a small pastry shop near Fairfax and 3-rd and Joe
grew up not far from the Walk of Fame and the Farmers
Market.
In his valet Joe carried a textbook page in
his father's handwriting It
said:
6 Stones -20 Carats each
Hurmusakigasse 26
Inner yard- south east corner
2 meters on the diagonal
1 meter deep
In metal pill box
one million bucks
Joe was going to get them. 1.000.000. 1940 USD
It will have to be a night job and Joe carried a heavy duty torch a
collapsible army spade.
He also carried a city map of 1914 and knew the location
by heart . Up the Bahnhofstrasse after the Ham , then right.
Or from the Mehlplatz .
Joe studied the latest satellite pictures and found no differences from
the 1914map.
Time stands still in Czernowitz -- 30 minutes to the city . The road is
good and the van is doing 60 kmh's.
The outskirts - then Monasteriska on the left.
At 1800 h they must rendezvous at the Ringplatz with the armored
from the North.
Then later- alone- Hurmusakigasse..
Hurmusaki..
The name alone makes him shudder..
hardy
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From: "HARDY BREIER" <HARDY3@...>
Date: Tue Mar 14, 2006 8:42 pm
Subject: DIE GLOCKE.doc
HARDY3@...
DIE GLOCKE.
I LOVE GERMAN POETRY .
SCHILLER IN SPECIAL.
THE RHYMES ARE SO PERFECT IN RHYTHM -THEY ARE LIKE
MUSIC TO MY EARS. MANY HAVE TRANSLATED SCHILLER INTO
ENGLISH BUT THE MUSIC NEVER COPIED. I ALSO WANT TO
GIVE IT A TRY, ONE MORE TRANSLATION CAN'T DO MUCH HARM.
LET'S TAKE THE TWO LINES FROM THE FIRST STROPHE OF
"DIE GLOCKE":
" VON DER STIRNE HEISS
RINNEN MUSS DER SCHWEISS ,"
AND IN ENGLISH: "FROM THE FOREHEAD,
HOT THE SWEAT MUST RUN"
ACCURATE MAYBE, BUT WHERE IS THE RHYME ?
WHERE IS THE MELODY ? THE RHYTHM ?
IF I HAD TO TRANSLATE THIS INTO ENGLISH IT WOULD SOUND
LIKE THIS:
"FROM THE FOREHEAD,
HOT RUNNING MUST THE SWOT".
THE CRITICS WILL IMMEDIATELY JUMP AND SAY THAT THIS IS NOT
ENGLISH. MAYBE SO, BUT IS THERE SOMEBODY WHO DOESN'T
UNDERSTAND ?
ASK SCHILLER, WHAT WOULD HE PREFER ? WHAT A RHYME!
WHAT A MELODY! AND IN CONCLUSION:
ALL WHO WITH ME AGREE:
" YOU ARE MY BROTHERS , YESSIREE ! "
BUT ALL THE OTHERS, WHO DO NOT,
FOR ALL I CARE - YOU ALL CAN SWOT
HARDY
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From: "HARDY BREIER" <HARDY3@...>
Date: Fri Mar 10, 2006 9:48 am
Subject: My meeting with JoseF
2.doc
HARDY3@...
My meeting with Josef.
It is winter 1945. The snow is 3 feet high and it is freezing.
Last night the temperature went down to -27 C.
We learn in the No 3 Mittelschule on the Landhausgasse
corner Tuerkengasse, a boys school.
At this time the number of attendants still justified separate boys and
girlsschools.
This was to change a year later , with the ever diminishing jewish
population, a
unified school was created: The No18 Mittelschule on the
Siebenburgerstrasse corner
Neuweltgasse.
This promiscuity was eagerly anticipated by the fledgling
Don Giovannis and Zerlinas..
As the war was far from over,the city of Czernowitz volunteered to
contribute to the war effort and raise money for buying a tank for the
Red Army !
Nischt mer in nischt weniger! A fully equipped T 34 ! It would even be
named
BUKOVINA and have the name painted on its turret. Everybody had to
participate and our
school got the task of providing fuel for the tank.
On what does a tank run? On gasoline, my dear. Where are we going to
get gasoline ?
( We have never seen a filling station in our life..)
Such subversive, provocative ,unpatriotic questions were scornfully
disregarded.
Our military instructor( every school had one) helped us out, he said:"
Every and each
of your families keeps benzene at home , go and get it !"
And he was right . Next morning every pupil came to school with a 1
ounce bottle of
medicinal benzene, used for disinfecting wounds and donated it for the
noble
cause.
The total was about 3 gallons and our tank could hardly do 200
yards on this ..
But how patriotic we felt !
ZA RODINU ! (For the Fatherland !)
====================================================================
From: "HARDY BREIER" <HARDY3@...>
Date: Fri Mar 17, 2006 9:39 pm
Subject: First love.doc
HARDY3@...
First love.
It was 1945 and I was 13 years old.
Her name was Marta and she lived on the Pizzeligasse.
She lived on second floor - the first was a soda - filling factory.
I got her name overhearing her mother ( or was it her father ?)
as they passed by our house. She was plump , had beautiful
brown hair ( or was it blond ?) and white skin.
I loved her from the first minute I saw her , desperately and
unconditionally.
In the evenings , after she came home I used to stand for hours
before her house looking up at her window to get a glimpse of her
shadow .
I didn't eat I didn't learn , I didn't sleep - all I did was
suffer.
Oh how I loved fair Marta !
My friend , Berti of the Morariogassed noticed my suffering and
asked me what the problem was.
"Go and tell her ! " said Berti " you must tell her how you feel"
" Are you meshigge? What has she got to do with it ?"
Berti didn't believe his ears and decided to give up.
And so it went on and winter came and spring came and on a
beautiful April day, as I passed her street there was a big green
army truck standing in front of her house and soldiers were loading
up trunks and cases and in the truck on top of some bales was
Marta as beautifulas ever.
Another Jewish family was leaving. Forever .
This was the last time I saw Marta .
Marta of the Pizzeligasse.
Two months later I fell in love with Natasha.
Natasha was Russian and could sing.
I heard her singing at the theatre and this did it.
I couldn't spend much time before her house because her
father was a bigwig in the NKWD and spending to much time
in front of her house could be very damaging to your health..
hardy
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